Good morning, hope everyone is enjoying their week.
It seems to me that there are a lot of upsetting things going on around the country these days, with tensions becoming quite elevated and people just getting all worked up into a frenzy. I am not sure that the people really have a reason for all this anger and madness, but it is causing quite a bit more tension within the rest of the population. Or that is what it seems to me.
My own heart cries out for everyone. I too have been quite angry, but have calmed down since yesterday. I have my own reasons, but yes, I was so angry yesterday that I did something I would not have thought I would do to people, but it wasn’t violent, it didn’t harm anyone, and I was able to release all the tensions that were built up inside of myself. It was satisfying, and I feel good today, even about what I did, and you know, that is why I am writing about it today.
When you are surrounded by those who cause you grief, you feel trapped and feel like there is no way out. You are surrounded, feeling like you are sinking fast and will be eaten alive by those people, those vengeful people, who do not understand, who do not care, who seem to forget that you too have feelings and that they are smothering you and it seems like they are about to kill you. I am not talking about home life, although I am certain that some people are crushed or smothered by that as well, but what I am talking about is at the work place.
I need to lose weight, a lot of weight in my eyes, for the excess weight I carry is burdensome to me. It causes me enough grief that I don’t need anyone to remind me how big, heavy, fat, obese, or ‘put your own word here’…. but regardless, I need to see about getting onto a program and lose the excess weight I have on my body. There is actually a reason I am this heavy, self induced. Yes, it is self induced. Not an issue from society, I am not blaming all the easy to get to fast food places. I am not blaming my own genes. I am not blaming my parents. I am not blaming my wife. It is totally self induced.
I went through the course of my obesity, reviewing a lot of items over the past few days, where I had tried to read self-help books, other peoples books, I have read plans in order to lose the excess weight, I have read about all the pills out there on the market, most which do not work… or all which do not work.. that one is your call, for it seems some people do have luck with the pills. But back to what I read, in the medical journals and postings, which like all Internet items, you sort of have to take them with a grain of salt for they may or may not really be helpful are really written by the medical professions, but I think I read enough of them to figure out why I seem o struggle so hard with losing the excess weight.
There is more than one reason, and I will list them out:
- Stress – The number one cause for me and most others
- Laziness – The heavier you are the less likely you are to exercise
- Poor Eating Habits – Eating the wrong foods
- Dehydration – 98% of the people do not drink enough water
I reviewed my life, going back to 2005, through journals I have written, yes, I keep journals of daily life, but back in 2005 I was happy and had lost quite a lot of weight, had concentrated on walking about 2 miles a day, lost about 50 pounds, and was actually feeling very good about myself. I was in a job that had stress, but controllable stress, and everything was looking good for me and like I said, I was happy.
Then, in 2007, just 8 years ago, I was offered a job at work, moving me from the blue collared represented work force to the white collar (sort of) supervisor force. I still work outside, in the heat and cold, but I have 11 people under me now, sometimes more, and of course, when you are ‘in charge’, that raises the stress level in the old body. I always handled stress before that year, and while I still do handle the stress, apparently it is a whole lot harder on me than I actually thought it was, but looking back I can see that it is very, very hard on me. I have had a couple of heart attacks, which may or may not have happened anyway, but regardless, I have had heart issues. I have insomnia, my mind just won’t shut down any more. And the number one issue…… I EAT TO RELIEVE THE TENSION!
I looked at it, and found that I eat a lot more at work than I do at home, including all the wrong foods, a lot of sugar, which I am not sure what sugar does to relieve tension and stress, but it does soothe me, and I eat a lot of the time do to stress. This is something I need to change, and change immediately. Yes, I need to also drink a lot more water, and also quit being so damn lazy, but mostly I need to get a grasp on the stress and quit eating my tensions away. I am handling… or not handling… the stress in the wrong way, so I need to figure out how to change that, how to get things under control, how to get my life back together and be who I am and not someone who is troubled by the things in my life.
So that brings me back to what I was saying at the first of the post. Why I was so angry and why I get angry…..
Well, over the past two days I realized, while working with some of the people at work, just how caustic and how the people who I work with love to point fingers in blame. While the things that happened were addressed and the verdict showed that I was NOT to blame, which I knew that was the case, but still, when someone points and screams, it is very stressful and the tensions inside of you build up rapidly. I have been working on diplomacy over the past year, and yes, I almost bit my tongue off a couple of times, but held my voice. These are people who claim to be GOD FEARING, church going people. Yet, they do not follow that which they CLAIM to believe in, apparently.
So, I killed them, killed them all……
I deleted all of them from my Facebook pages, even going through the activity log and deleting all the posts and likes that I had responded to them, blocked them all from sending friend requests, deleted them all from Twitter and from my phone. I killed them all… I do not want to be surrounded by A**HOLES and therefore I do not need them in my life. No, I am not angry anymore, actually my heart cries out for them to understand that they really are not who they claim to be, that all they need to do is be kind with their words, not blame and not create stress for others.
We all need to do the same……..